In the modern world today, due to the economic boost, the overall income of the people has increased as compared to the past. This means the purchasing power of the people has raised and people demand for more luxury goods such as cars. In order to meet the surging demand for international trades of cars, businessmen set up numerous factories at the relatively lower waged countries such as China and India to produce cars. These factories were mostly operating with fossil fuel energy system which caused extensively releasing of harmful gases. As a result, global warming and acid rains were more frequent than in the past, especially in USA and Canada. Furthermore, the dramatic increase in number of cars running on the road also contributes greatly to the air pollution as mentioned. However, these problems are not irreversible. It might be hard to eliminate them totally but with different sectors of the people making effort to cooperate, these problems can be kept at the lowest level possible.
Main body:
2nd paragraph- Analyse and evaluate how much economy has boosted since the past and how does it lead to air pollution. How bad is the pollution.Gather data to support it.
3rd paragraph- Solutions to the problems mentioned in 2nd paragraph in terms of the businessmen sector, the consumers/car users sector and the government sector.
Gather data to show the improvements of the situation.Evaluate the limitations of the solution and restate the stand/thesis.
Conclusion:
Reiterate the problems are inevitable but they can be mitigated with the people willingly making changes to cope with these problems.
Hi De Sheng,
ReplyDeleteHere are our comments:
1. Is the main topic focus of the essay clear?
No. Is your problem acid rain, global warming or air pollution? Be specific.
2. Has background information been given for the problem/issue discussed? (In short, has the nature of the problem/issue been explained in detail and contextualized?)
Yes. However, it needs to be more specific and detailed.
3. Is there any expert opinion presented/quoted in the introduction vouching for the existence of this problem?
No.
4. Does the thesis statement make the writer’s stand/opinion clear?
No.
5. Is it also clear what solution the writer is recommending?
You should include a brief description of your solution in the introduction.
6. Does the writer make clear how the solutions will address the problem directly?
You should include a brief description of your solution in the introduction and give supporting evidences.
7. Are the potential benefits of these suggestions and/or solutions clearly presented?
No.
8. Is there any expert opinion given that would validate or support the various solutions?
No.
9. Are the cited sources relevant and effective?
No cited sources.
10. Do the in-text citations reflect an understanding of the APA style?
No in-text citations.
11. Do the end-of-text citations reflect an understanding of the APA style?
No end-of-text citations.
12. What language use problems exist (using the categories from the rubrics)?
-Grammatical errors such as “purchasing power has risen..”
-“Set up” is an informal use of language.
13. How would you rate the overall impact of the language on a scale of 1 (terrible) to 10 (perfect)?
5.
14. How would you rate the overall impact of the content on a scale of 1 (terrible) to 10 (perfect)?
N.A. as there is no solution mentioned.
15. How would you rate the overall impact of the organization on a scale of 1 (terrible) to 10 (perfect)?
7.
From: Fangfei, Vanessa Tung, Jeremy